Mr. Seminar

Have you ever been in a seminar or a conference and found that these types of social situations have their own set of rules and expectations, or like it’s almost a subset of culture in and of itself? Like, in this seminar, people act differently than they would normally in everyday situations.

I don’t know if you have or not, but I venture to say that if you’ve been in a seminar, especially with business people, then you know what I am talking about. It’s that idea of no one standing out on their own, like everyone follows everyone else, they all drink their water at the same time, they all have their name tags in the exact same location, they all sit with their right leg crossed over their left the same way their neighbor does, they all sheepishly don’t volunteer to answer questions the same, they all have the same conversations with each other during the “break time” (usually about how traffic was getting over there, or how business has been this year, what with all of the corporate layoffs and mandates….blah blah blah)

And there’s always that “one guy” who volunteers to answer first, daring to be “that guy” who steps out on the ledge of a crowd and speaks his opinion, and you can always tell who this guy is because his answers are always safe and generic. In order to avoid that embarrasment you get when you venture out with an opinion that’s not met with agreement, “that guy” usually blankets his opinions with generics and generalities. He tries to get a laugh at first, usually with a generic “guy joke” followed by self-laughter that is followed with a drink from his glass of water, and then once he finishes his opinion, he ends it with, “…with business applications. That’s what I think anyway, (long pause) so….”

Along with “that guy,” another guy you’ll meet is the “nod-along” guy. He’s the one who, while the speaker lays out his cleverly-thought-out plan on business re-evaluation, nods his head along in agreement, like “Yeah, I get that. I understand what you are saying. No one else here gets it because they aren’t nodding along, but since I am, I must really understand it.” The speaker may even be talking about how to murder someone successfully, and the “nod-along” guy will still be there, nodding along, in agreement.

When I go to these types of seminars, I always take my drink at the most awkward of times, I get up right in the middle of an important point to go to the bathroom, I intentionally place my name tag in an unusual place, usually upside down in the middle of my chest, and I always try to answer first with a really abrasive opinion that’s sure to be met with raised eyebrows and “well, ummm, yeah, that could be ONE way of looking at it, but….” because I don’t want to become a subject of another clever Seinfeld-ian episode on social interaction in crowds and with groups of people.

Let me tell you, if you go to a seminar, don’t be that guy. Be different. Dare to change. Break the mold. Wear your nametag upside down. Don’t say excuse me when you burp, no one heard it anyway.