June 1, 2007
I think the lowest you can get in the “Wedding-Totem pole” is the Guestbook Attendant. I mean, come on, why do you need someone attending to people just signing their names? Did I miss a class where they taught people how to REALLY sign their names, and so since I missed that class, I have to be watched and supervised while improperly signing my name?
Being a Guestbook Attendant is basically like being picked last on the basketball team in grade school PE class. It’s like leaving a penny tip to a really bad waiter, because if you leave nothing, then he thinks you forgot, but if you leave just a penny, it’s like the ultimate insult. I mean, if you aren’t in the wedding, AT LEAST you don’t have to awkwardly stand there when people come in and give you that look that says, “why are you watching me do this? Are you going to hold my hand while I sign?”But, by being asked to be the Attendant, it’s like them saying, “You know, you’re kind of a friend, but not family, kind of an acquaintance, but not an enemy, but I know if I don’t have you do something you’ll write about it on your MySpace, and I really don’t want to have to give you something to do that actually requires any of your personal interaction because you might mess it up…”
PEOPLE: Let’s end this tradition, this pattern, this worthless job!! If you’re asked to be the “Guestbook Attendant” reply with a riveting NO WAY and offer your services as a door opener instead. If you’re having a wedding, please, oh please, just put the book on the table with the pen….WE CAN FIGURE IT OUT FROM THERE!!