Slow Motion in the Shower

You ever noticed when you’re in the shower and something falls, shampoo, soap, facial cleanser, whatever, that you’re very slow to catch it from falling? Something always seems to fall in there, and it’s always such a huge hassle to pick it up, you know? And yet, when we’re out in public, with our phones, or ipods, drinks, food, etc., we react with the quickness of Flash Gordon to ensure nothing falls…why is that?

What about the shower causes us to just stare at falling objects in slow motion without any thought of catching it in mid-air? I mean, when my shampoo slips off the side of the tub, I’d rather take a master level college Calculus 4 test, blind while being beaten by a Russian soldier who is simultaneously tickling my feet with a feather, than bend over and pick up the bottle. It literally, and physically, can ruin my day, for some reason. Sure, if I spill a glass of soda on the floor, I’m not too happy about it, but I’ll pick it up and clean it and attend to the stain on the carpet, but if my soap falls 4 feet onto the slippery tub floor, I assume the fetal position and cry my eyes out. (hyperbole)

And by the way, did the shampoo bottle inventor and the bath tub inventor get together one day and decide it would be a great prank on the world to design a tub and shampoo bottle that could never coexist? Have you ever tried that bathroom-balancing act that goes on when you are trying to find a place to set the shampoo bottle down, while not trying to sting the crap out of your eyes as the Johnson & Johnson slips ever-so-slowly down, it doesn’t fit anywhere!! And even if you do get it to delicately balance, you spend the rest of the “shower experience” fearing bumping into any wall too hard because then it will fall, and then you’ll be back to what I was talking about above: the shower pickup.

Dear Companies,
Either make a skinnier shampoo bottle, or extend the edges of bathtubs so we, the consumers, don’t have to worry about picking up fallen shampoo/soap bottles.
Sincerely,
The Consumers

To Honk or Not to Honk

What compels a person to honk on the road when someone has done something wrong to them? Where did that impulse come from? Were we taught that in drivers ed back in the day, or did our parents teach us?

I have to admit, I’m not writing this as a finger-pointer at everyone else, I too, am a road honker. So, say somebody cuts you off and nearly clips you or runs you off the road, what about hitting that horn tells this person how you truly feel? For some reason, that blaring sound doesn’t quite EVER convey the level of frustration that I currently have, which causes me to squeeze my steering wheel so hard and grit my teeth to the point of pain.

The horn doesn’t accurately say what I want to, “Thanks for almost killing me. I mean, heaven forbid, you actually slow down a SINGLE notch and wait until I pass so you can get out from behind the slow driver, that’s just not possible. If I had the ability, I would blow out one of your tires at this point and send you to “driving timeout” where you aren’t allowed to drive until you thought about what you just did.”

So, why do I honk? Does that sound automatically change the way the above stated driver is going to drive for the rest of his life? Am I thinking, “Ok, see, MY HORN is going to be the horn that changes his bad behavior. It’s going to be my horn and my shaking fist that sends this person into contemplation about his current driving skills. He’ll note the concerned “tone” in my horn and realize that he hurt me and he’ll enact some new standards which will change the world as we know it……”

I think we all think that at some point. Otherwise, why would we honk? If we didn’t think it was going to somehow AFFECT this driver, then we would just silently fume.

So, in the end, it’s POINTLESS to honk after you’ve been wronged on the road. Remember, you’ve probably been honked at before and did you change immediately and start lobbying in your local government for stricter driving education? Did you ponder your actions and sorrowfully mentally apologize to the person you made honk?

So, drivers, let’s all ban together and end this useless gesture. You never know, it might save your life.